Big Man On Campus

One of the goals of the Japanese Exchange Teaching Programme is to introduce foreigners to Japanese culture and dispel unfounded stereotypes. Well, there is one stereotype that has been so frequently repeated to me, that it has become simply a matter of fact to me. When you think of Japanese men, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Exactly! Small penises.

During our orientation, we learned useful information like classroom culture and teaching methods, but my favorite part was our break-out medical discussion where boys and girls were separated to discuss sensitive matters. Our discussion was based entirely on the topic that Japanese condoms are too small for foreigners and that we needed to look for special boxes of condoms with either a picture of a horse or the label "Black Man Condom." Not at all subtle. I'm not sure which label is more wrong, but both are hilarious. I've seen these boxes. They do exist.

Now picture this: there were two Japanese young men giving our "health" presentation, and in broken English, essentially telling us that we are all more endowed than the average Japanese man. That must be awkward. What's more awkward, is that it is apparently quite common for high school and Jr. high school students to ask us foreign English teachers for size measurements and to occasionally grab the zone for direct evidence. I have not yet had the pleasure of either of these occurrences, but if asked, I plan to span my arms as wide as possible and say "this big!"

Of all things taboo in Japan, this matter is apparently quite common knowledge and not inappropriate to discuss. I have done some research myself in the public baths I mentioned before where men walk around and converse in their birthday suits. The Japanese have a fascinating way of showing their amazement and utter disbelief at the size of my equipment--they feign complete disinterest and often don't even look my direction. They must have fantastic peripheral vision.

There are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable in Japan. People talking around me, laughing, possibly at me. But I always find comfort in the fact that they're probably talking about my huge package. And I smile.